(Best Jack Bauer voice) The following takes place between 12:00 PM 4/28 and 12:00 AM 4/29.

• 4/28 12:00p EST, get to LaGuardia airport in NY for a 1:59 departing flight with U.S. Airways, $40 paid to taxi service. Slight rain, very little wind. Ready to get to Philadelphia, then off to Portland, OR.
• Check in for flight, eat lunch, relax.
• 1:45, board the smallest plane Kessa or I had ever seen, ~40 passengers. says delayed until 2:15, fine.
• On plane, at 2:15 at runway we’re told weather conditions are too bad, waiting until 3:15.
• 3:15, weather conditions bad, will try again at 3:45.
• 3:45, weather conditions bad, will try again at 4:15.
• 3:50, we’re ok to go, we’re #10 on the runway to fly out.
• 4:10, still ok, #4.
• Free booze, help myself to a Gin and Tonic, Kessa has a red wine.
• 4:30, #2, alright.
• 4:40, on the runway.
• 4:45, “sorry folks, we’ve been shut down, we’ve been told to try again at 5:15. The plane is taxied back to the terminal.”
• 4:48, “ok, we’re back on, prepare for departure, we’re #4.”
• 4:55, on the runway.
• 5:00, “sorry folks, this is embarrassing, we’ve been shut down again.” Off back to the terminal. “we need to refuel.”
  Still slight rain and very little wind.
• 5:05, refueled, “we’re ready for departure, #2 in line, on the runway.
• 5:15, “ok we’ve been shut down again. There will be some missed connections, does anyone want to get off?”
  {5 deuchebags raise hand}
• 5:20 at the terminal, “all connecting flights except nashville and london will be missed. if you’re on any flights but these, you must rebook.”
• 5:20 back at the terminal. “Please see the special services counter to rebook.” Get in the front of line at the special services counter, 2 in front of us ~25 behind.
• 5:25 our turn!
• 6:10, after 45 minutes talking to the rep, we realize there’s no chance of getting in to Portland before the next day at 9 a.m., as I requested. The best bet is to go to Charlotte, check out and stay the night (no we will not pay for your room), check in at 7 a.m., go to Phoenix, then to Portland to arrive at 1 p.m.
  WHAT? Are you kidding me?
• “The best we can do for you is 2 $10 meal vouchers. Enjoy {(stale|frozen|cold instead of warm|warm instead of cold) airport food}.”
• 7:45, we finally board the plane that was supposed to take off at 6:55 for Charlotte.
• 10:00, arrive in Charlotte, come to find our baggage didn’t make it… they give us a ‘convience package’ with bare necessities and a sorry note.
• 11:00, we arrive at a hotel 3 miles away from the airport, and pay $60 for 6 hours of sleep.
• 4/29 12:00a, pizza arrives; not paid for by airlines